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| When I look back at everything that's happened in the last year, I realize several things that were not shown to me before. I can see the kind of person that I was and the things I was doing...back then, it didn't seem like I was doing anything wrong, I was...happy? I believed i was happy, but was I really...no. I was doing things I said I would never do, I was still hanging out with the same people who had hurt me time and time again in the past. I was letting everyone walk all over me, looking to others to tell me what to do, how to act, what to say. That's not who i am. It is apparent to me now that I was in a down-ward spiral that no one, not even God could help me get out of. As time moved on and my future started to be laid out in front of me, I thought things were getting better, I thought i was finally the kind of person I had always wanted to be. I was wrong. Months passed and then eventually I let someone in to my heart again. i thought he had changed, and at first, he had. Then slowly I began to see him going back to his old ways and dragging me down with me. I was in denial that this was taking place however, I did not want to believe that it could be happening again. But the truth, it was...and whose fault was it...mine alone. Once again the overwhelming feeling of helplessness started to control my actions. I let myself slip back into old habits and put not only myself at risk, but my son as well. to be continued.... | | |
| Sometimes i feel like everything in my life is crystal clear and it all makes sense..but then there's days like today where i find myself questioning the familiar. I wonder if i am doing the right thing, if im making the smartest possible choices for myself as well as my son. | | |
| Tonight was a very interesting night, I somehow ended up at my old high school's football game. Now for those of you who don't know, which is pretty much everyone, i went a private christian school for 2 1/2 years. I hated every minute of it, but that is a story you do not want me to get in to. So I end up at the game and its like all of a sudden every person I used to hate is being all nice to me..askin me how the baby is...that i look so good...blah blah blah. I end up chillin wit these gurlz and terrorizing the boyz from the other skool. Ya i know what your thinking... it aint true..i did not start it. I walked by and they start noddin their heads and talkin and makin noise and i turned around and started playin along..it all went from there. it was fun. But thats besides the point. I saw a few people i havent seen in a long time and it made me miss certain ppl--which sux cuz ya. Im rambling. I think im gonna go and shower and then go to sleep. thanks for listening.
Chris | | |
| Sometimes you do what have to, not what you want to. | | |
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